I've been cat-shopping (browsing cats and all things cat-related). Today I pretended to peruse the chuck taylors at Import House while I in fact was sneaking a visit to my current cat interests... Simon and Charlie... These two super cool orange tabby cats from the humane society. I'm also hoping to hang out with another cool looking cat named Clive.
I call them Cat dates. It only makes sense since I think I am becoming a cat lady, and the only dates cat ladies go on are to the grocery store and the litter box.
I also have been trying to have some discipline in my life and realize I need to clear out some clutter in my brain. I did this once in high school and fasted from music. Music is a huge part of my life and it was basically impossible since if I wasn't directly listening to something I was thinking about something music related or absentmindedly humming. These aren't bad things, just something that's always on my mind. Anyway, in an effort to simplify, this week I have limited myself to a type of music I have neglected the past couple years: Classical.
If you have never listened to Chopin's Nocturnes you haven't lived. They'll make you feel sad and peaceful and filled up with something important you can't describe. Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 is probably the most popular, but if you're really feeling reflective... There are 21 and they are all amazing. You might cry a little thinking how something so pretty exists in the world. Then again, maybe that's just me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
In my solitude
Wake up, check email, go to school. Go home, eat, check email. Grade papers, enter grades, check email. Read, write, research (Repeat X 1 million+ dinner somewhere). Walk/run, read, sleep.
This is my life. My life during the week anyway. On the weekend I usually have some kind of fit and decide I'm going to go out and do something exciting and different, but then I just sit around and watch TV or read.... Boring.... And still I realized today that even though I have all this time alone (and I am well-aware of just how alone I am) I haven't known solitude in a long time. Today, during my walk, I stopped walking and just sat outside in this park for an hour and tried for 5 minutes of that hour just to quit thinking so much about all the company I have crowding my mind. I tried to really be alone for 5 minutes; I might've got 35 seconds of solitude. Still, I know that is the longest I have been alone in over 4 years... Because I am never alone anymore, not really. I keep my mind and eyes and ears so busy all the time my head is crammed with stimuli. My mind is going a million miles an hour all the time, even when I'm trying desperately to listen to someone else. And I know God has placed me here in Athens living by myself for a reason. It's taken me almost 5 months to understand why, and I'm still not completely sure, but I'm getting there. I'm learning how to wait.
I read last night about when Samuel anoints Saul king over the people. He tells Saul he is going to have this enormous job of leading God's people as King, and then he tells him to go back to life as usual and wait for instructions before doing anything else. I wonder if Saul got impatient or was tempted to pretend he had received those instructions. I feel like instead of waiting for instructions I've just been going full tilt through the job. It's easier to feel like you have a purpose when you are moving at full speed. But I got this odd feeling today that there's such a thing as purposeful waiting.
This is my life. My life during the week anyway. On the weekend I usually have some kind of fit and decide I'm going to go out and do something exciting and different, but then I just sit around and watch TV or read.... Boring.... And still I realized today that even though I have all this time alone (and I am well-aware of just how alone I am) I haven't known solitude in a long time. Today, during my walk, I stopped walking and just sat outside in this park for an hour and tried for 5 minutes of that hour just to quit thinking so much about all the company I have crowding my mind. I tried to really be alone for 5 minutes; I might've got 35 seconds of solitude. Still, I know that is the longest I have been alone in over 4 years... Because I am never alone anymore, not really. I keep my mind and eyes and ears so busy all the time my head is crammed with stimuli. My mind is going a million miles an hour all the time, even when I'm trying desperately to listen to someone else. And I know God has placed me here in Athens living by myself for a reason. It's taken me almost 5 months to understand why, and I'm still not completely sure, but I'm getting there. I'm learning how to wait.
I read last night about when Samuel anoints Saul king over the people. He tells Saul he is going to have this enormous job of leading God's people as King, and then he tells him to go back to life as usual and wait for instructions before doing anything else. I wonder if Saul got impatient or was tempted to pretend he had received those instructions. I feel like instead of waiting for instructions I've just been going full tilt through the job. It's easier to feel like you have a purpose when you are moving at full speed. But I got this odd feeling today that there's such a thing as purposeful waiting.
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