I decided a couple weeks ago that now is a good time to start over. I'm going through a number of firsts in my life... The main two being living by myself and going to grad school... and the adjustment has been, well, not very "adjusty". There's no adjustment at all, really. It's just complete chaos and me standing in the middle, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. My first week of grad school has been terrible. My day begins at about 7am and I have 12 hours of class... literally. I feel like I casually stepped onto a treadmill already zinging along at high speeds. I've considered my options:
1.) Kill my professor (who is pretty mean and looks exactly like Agatha Trunchbull from Matilda... You know? The lady who swings kids out the window by their pigtails and eats chocolates that don't belong to her but were some dead guy's and probably should've been thrown out ages ago.)
2.) Drop out of school
3.) Go jump off a cliff and get it over with
Last night I decided the best option was just to do all three in movie-like splendor. It'd be like a sweet package deal, you know?
It's all amusing to me because I have decided to start over... Or "rekindle" would be a better way of putting it. (I'm talking about my currently haphazard relationship with God, here, in case you're wondering.) The fact that my world has become a giant mess has only made me more determined to spend the time with God he deserves and I need, and made me more certain that someone out there desperately wishes I'd just give up already.
I am waiting for the day when I will have money to buy a cheap camera/microphone so I can skype with the very same encouraging, interesting, lovely person(s) who read this blog. (The "s" in parenthesis was a joke, in case you were wondering Zoe... You're still the only person I know who reads these ramblings)
2 comments:
haha! We do go through the same things at the same times. I almost wrote a blog exactly like the first part about a week ago, but I don't think I actually did. I even phrased it the same "having a bunch of firsts."
weird thing is, I had a really freaky dream of you drowning yourself the other night which kind of correlates to point #3, so please don't.
rekindling is good. I'm realizing that I'm still a christian without YL, and since I still only know 3 people in Wisconsin (and they all live in this house) I have ample time to spend with God, so that's been going pretty swell.
You know, we could probably talk on the phone sometime too--it doesn't have to be skype, but now I work from 3-around midnight every day except random random days off which are hardly ever the weekend, so maybe we will not ever talk again. but I hope we will. In fact, I have this weekend off so I'll try calling you. I LOVE YOU BETSY and I'll never stop reading your ramblings.
hey betsy! I also read your ramblings. and please don't jump off a cliff. I'd miss you a whole lot
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