Juggling fruit

I've felt quite detached lately. This is probably a good sign that I AM detached. I always need people to tell me that I haven't been hanging out with them for me to actually realize that I am doing too many things or working too much or reading too much or spending too much time at the library etc, etc, etc. Actually, it usually takes a couple people for me to realize it.

Last week my mom and sister called/texted me so many times I thought my phone was going to die. Apparently they thought something was wrong with me because I don't normally go so long without calling them back. Then I scrolled through my phone and looked at my text messages. There were over a dozen that said some variation of, "Where are you?" or "Are you ever coming home?"

I've been neglectful of all my relationships for much too long. There's a metaphor in Shakespeare's King Richard II where the gardeners are talking about how the King's garden is in complete disarray. It parallels how King Richard has taken care of the Kingdom... The plants are all overgrown and some are wilting and some are burdened with over ripened fruit. Anyway... I just feel pretty lame for letting the garden I've been given get out of control. What's worse, I feel overwhelmed with just how out of control I have let it become. Can it ever be what it used to be? I'm a failure at this juggling act.