My Freshman year at OU my Dad called me one night and said my Grandma was sick, that the doctor's were pretty much positive that she had kidney cancer, and that since she only had one kidney to begin with things weren't looking too swell. I live 5 hours away from my dad, and another hour away from Dad are my grandparents. During that 3 minute conversation I felt sick to my stomach... Because there isn't much that makes me feel crummier than when someone I love is hurting and there isn't a lick I can do about it.
Powerlessness. That's what it really boils down to.
It's not really hopelessness, because you still can have a great sense of hope in those kinds of circumstances. What bothers me is that I have no control, and the fact that having no control bothers me is what really bothers me the most. What would I have done if I could have been there with my Grandma or my Dad? Could I save her soul if I had been there? No, I could have done nothing. Why do we always want to save people? God gives me a little bit of strength and it goes straight to my head.
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