7th Grade Wisdom

"Most people love Christmas, and it's a lot of people's favorite holiday because of the presents. Christmas is my favorite because it was the day the Lord was born. That's why we all celebrate it. We just forget it because of all the presents and business with family. That's what Christmas is all about, and that's why I love it."

"Some people might love Christmas because they get presents. I like Christmas because it is all about God. I think that everybody forgets about God and just thinks about what they are getting for Christmas."

So much of what I am learning about teaching is about just trying to understand how and what students are thinking. This is especially difficult with middle school students who, as my friend Brandon decided, may not even be human. I did these things so long ago I'm constantly trying to remember what it was like, what is is like now. Anyway...

We're going over how to write a well-structured paragraph as preparation for a literary analysis. (I know what you're thinking...One paragraph? Psshh... piece of cake! But asking a 7th grader to do it is like asking them to run a marathon.) To practice the specific writing structure for their paragraphs we just went over, I asked them to write about their favorite holiday. I know that there's really nothing about the words above that is new knowledge to me (or to hardly anyone). It's not rocket science. Still, when I read 40 essays about how kids love Christmas because they don't have school and get presents, anything different sticks out. Watching someone piece together the difference between celebrating Christ and celebrating themselves makes me feel like I'm learning that lesson for the first time too.

I recently told Zoe that I find myself getting choked up really easily now that I work with students all the time. I've morphed into some super-sensitive weirdo. Here's a prime example of me getting all sentimental and moved by a couple paragraphs. If God is this sensitive, it must have really really sucked to send his son for us.

A Life Less Ordinary

There's nothing all that important or neat going on, currently, but I felt I should post something just to make that clear. Actually, let's face it, there are always neat and important things going on all the time. So I suppose I wanted to make clear my magnificently poor recognition/awareness of these things as of late. My self-reflection seems to be in a valley.

Other than middle schoolers and all things middle school related, David occupies my mind. Such an interesting person with an interesting life... But he didn't start off as anything special. When I read 1 and 2 Samuel I am always surprised God would choose someone so ordinary to make so great, famous, and successful. (I'm not saying David didn't have amazing qualities, because he did. I'm just saying, of all the people in the world, why him?) I've always enjoyed his story, but now I am fairly certain it is not because of David, necessarily, but because his story really shows the faithfulness and necessity of God's presence in our lives. David was just a normal guy made extraordinary by an extraordinary God. The times we see David fall short of our unusually high expectations are the times when David has become lackadaisical in his faith... The most poignant example being his affair with Bathsheba. He should have been off at war with the others. He should have been close with God. But while the Ark of the Covenant and soldiers are out of town on the battle field, David is getting busy with the girl next door. Typical... I, too, am someone ordinary who serves an extraordinary God. When I realize I have forgotten to keep close to the King, I remember how small I really am on my own.

Classical Cats

I've been cat-shopping (browsing cats and all things cat-related). Today I pretended to peruse the chuck taylors at Import House while I in fact was sneaking a visit to my current cat interests... Simon and Charlie... These two super cool orange tabby cats from the humane society. I'm also hoping to hang out with another cool looking cat named Clive.

I call them Cat dates. It only makes sense since I think I am becoming a cat lady, and the only dates cat ladies go on are to the grocery store and the litter box.

I also have been trying to have some discipline in my life and realize I need to clear out some clutter in my brain. I did this once in high school and fasted from music. Music is a huge part of my life and it was basically impossible since if I wasn't directly listening to something I was thinking about something music related or absentmindedly humming. These aren't bad things, just something that's always on my mind. Anyway, in an effort to simplify, this week I have limited myself to a type of music I have neglected the past couple years: Classical.

If you have never listened to Chopin's Nocturnes you haven't lived. They'll make you feel sad and peaceful and filled up with something important you can't describe. Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 is probably the most popular, but if you're really feeling reflective... There are 21 and they are all amazing. You might cry a little thinking how something so pretty exists in the world. Then again, maybe that's just me.

In my solitude

Wake up, check email, go to school. Go home, eat, check email. Grade papers, enter grades, check email. Read, write, research (Repeat X 1 million+ dinner somewhere). Walk/run, read, sleep.

This is my life. My life during the week anyway. On the weekend I usually have some kind of fit and decide I'm going to go out and do something exciting and different, but then I just sit around and watch TV or read.... Boring.... And still I realized today that even though I have all this time alone (and I am well-aware of just how alone I am) I haven't known solitude in a long time. Today, during my walk, I stopped walking and just sat outside in this park for an hour and tried for 5 minutes of that hour just to quit thinking so much about all the company I have crowding my mind. I tried to really be alone for 5 minutes; I might've got 35 seconds of solitude. Still, I know that is the longest I have been alone in over 4 years... Because I am never alone anymore, not really. I keep my mind and eyes and ears so busy all the time my head is crammed with stimuli. My mind is going a million miles an hour all the time, even when I'm trying desperately to listen to someone else. And I know God has placed me here in Athens living by myself for a reason. It's taken me almost 5 months to understand why, and I'm still not completely sure, but I'm getting there. I'm learning how to wait.

I read last night about when Samuel anoints Saul king over the people. He tells Saul he is going to have this enormous job of leading God's people as King, and then he tells him to go back to life as usual and wait for instructions before doing anything else. I wonder if Saul got impatient or was tempted to pretend he had received those instructions. I feel like instead of waiting for instructions I've just been going full tilt through the job. It's easier to feel like you have a purpose when you are moving at full speed. But I got this odd feeling today that there's such a thing as purposeful waiting.

long distance relationships

When I was a sophomore in high school my older sister moved to Southern Mississippi to get her master's degree. I'd call her up and ask her how things were going, tell her I missed her, all that jazz. We started doing this strange thing where we'd pretend that she wasn't across the country from me. I'd say something like, "so what are you doing tonight?" and she'd lie and say, "eh, nothing really." (I know now that she was lying because I, too, am getting my master's degree.) Then I'd say, "Well I was thinking of watching this movie... Wanna come over?" and she'd say, "sure, see you in a few minutes." And then we'd hang up the phone like she was really going to come over to watch a movie. There was never a movie and she never came, obviously, but we both liked to pretend for a while that it was possible. She lives in Wisconsin now and every once in a while, usually when one of us is having a bad day, we still pretend we're close enough to pop over to hang out.

Today I talked to a good friend and, even though she's also far away, she actually gets to pop over for a visit tomorrow. I'm so excited. Real visits are way better than pretend ones.

Some Perspective

His powerful legs work in time, quickly and powerfully charging up the hill. Everyone is depending on him to win, to fight, to try. Others may come, but right now he alone makes his way to the top of the hill to defend, to protect, to make a stand. Raising his front legs, he thrashes at the air, roars into the sky, and dares to be challenged.

The boy chuckles at the tiny ant dancing on the small mound of dirt. Squatting on his haunches and then lying down in the grass to get closer, the boy pulls out a magnifying glass from the back pocket of his dirty shorts; he watches the sun blaze through the glass.

The man smiles, watching the little boy patiently investigating some minuscule mystery in the grass with his little body lying still on the ground and his head raised, poised. He looked like a soldier ready to crawl under barbed wire or a rattlesnake ready to strike. The morning sun glints off of the man's belt buckle as he idly observes through the kitchen window. Sighing as he checks the time, he remembers when he was a boy and smiles again. Then the porcelain mug moves mechanically from his hand to meet his lips, and he is gulping down the black, bitter coffee.

On becoming an adult

1)Teaching middle school "part time" means teaching a full day for half the respect.

2)Middle school students are CRAZY. I love it.

3)Adults can be real jerk-holes. I hate it.

4)Going to the movies by yourself is strange. I kind of liked it.

4.5)Something stinks like death in my apartment. I'm a clean person. Regardless of things already being clean, I cleaned EVERYTHING and there's still death somewhere.... Why's this happening to me??

Things have been stressful and, overall, pretty miserable. I nearly cried 3 times just this week. Pathetic. Some of the reasons reminded me of the lyrics in a song by Brucie... "Pondering the difference between cynicism and bitching." Excuse the language, but seriously... I've been thinking about that all week! That and, "Lord beer me strength"